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       Lately I have been wondering, worrying even if God is still paying attention. I have found myself moving in the wrong direction. There was a time not that long ago when I felt like I had God's ear. I felt like the light had finally come on in a world of darkness. For whatever reason though when I felt like I might not live another day God started leaving some not so subtle little hints that everything I had instinctively felt was true. That there was a greater force holding all this together. I finally started seeing the beauty of life, of what life really is. I felt like God spoke to me everyday in many different ways. 

     I'm not so sure when I quit hearing or maybe I just quit listening but at some point I feel like I was left alone to make my own decisions. My own free will you might say. It's easy to speak of living the right way or to speak of doing good deeds for people. It's quite another thing to live the"upright", "straightway" that I believe we're supposed to live. With this freedom of will  I have found myself slipping in the wrong direction. I had even began to wonder if God was still listening. 

      Just like this heavy snowfall that we're getting on the 20th of April, God has found another way to come  through today and let me know that "God" is still listening. Sometimes it takes a nudge and sometimes I have to be knocked down, but God always lets me know I'm not alone.                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                    I realize I've let myself down again.                                                                                                                         I've turned from the truth again.                                                                                                            How many times can I begin again?                                 
                                                      I sense I will be ok, If God can forgive. ( Again )                                                                                                                                                                                          

                                                           03                                   04/21/2021                                                                                                                                                                                                                         



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